This Is My Blog and I WIll Whine If I Want To

this is a post in which i am going to whine/have a small pity party for about five minutes, pull up my big girl panties and get on with the day.

BUT

i need these five minutes so that i can accurately document my weight loss journey. 

i need these five minutes to remember the frustrations and the need for patience.

i need these five minutes to remember my real, honest to goodness feelings on this weight loss journey.

you don't have to read this post. my feelings won't be hurt. 

this blog is a place for me to document things going on in my life and the life of our family.  it has been my goal this year to be more vulnerable and real. there isn't anything more real than a little pity party.  it is how i have felt over the course of the past few weeks but there is also victory, there is reason to celebrate, there is perspective to be gained, and there is still some work to do! 

the whining:

* i have exercised for 53 days straight. i have not taken one day off from working out since starting the 30 day shred on april 1st and most of those days i have added 30 minutes of cardio. you know what i thought would happen. i thought i would lose the weight quickly.  i was putting in time working out consistently and not seeing the results. i have been frustrated. i wanted results and i wanted them yesterday.

* why does it have to say lose up to 5 lbs in one week on the top of the workout dvds. i know that isn't realistic but there is always that part of me that thinks "well if i work really hard maybe that could be me". it's a ploy. granted i would have bought the dvd without the weight loss promise blasted across the top.  my point is that there is something exciting thinking about losing 5 lbs in a week but it mostly isn't going to happen so just don't put it on there. okay?

* "you need to eat more food", "you need to eat less food", "you need to give up sugar", "you need to give up carbs", etc... the list goes on and on for all the things i have heard in the last few months. all well meaning statements from people who care. there isn't anything wrong with those statements but here's the bottom line i need to move more and eat less. end of the story.  i don't want to go through the rest of my life not having a chocolate chip cookie because i gave up sugar or not having a potato or french fries because i gave up carbs.  i want to live a life in moderation. i want to listen to my body for when its full. i want to be conscious of what types of food i am putting into my body. i want to enjoy food but i don't want food to control me.

* i want to run at my old pace. i don't like feeling like i am moving at a snails pace. i didn't think it would take so long to get back into "running shape" and still not be to where i used to be in terms of pace. ugh!

* there are days when it is hard to get up to work out. days where the lies try to take over. the lie that exercising won't matter - i am not going to lose the weight.  there are days when it is hard not to succumb to the lies but this is a marathon not a sprint. slow and steady.

* i want my old clothes to fit. i want my thighs to not rub together. i want to feel good about being in a bathing suit at the water park with my kids this summer. i want to be active and healthy for my kids.

the truth - {pulling up the big girl panties}:

* i have lost 10 lbs

* even though i am at the top range of healthy weight for my size, i am in the healthy range again

* i may be close to the weight i was last summer {i was longing to lose 10 lbs then} but i am definitely stronger and in better shape than i was at that time

* my endurance has increased

* there is definition in my arms, back, and legs

* i take time to think about what i am going to eat each day and i am making better choices

* i can still indulge in treats once in a while. the key is once in a while not daily.

* i have always been sort of a cardio junkie. i would rather do cardio than strength training but i have loved my daily date with jillian for the shred and now ripped in 30.  

* i have tried yoga in the past and not been a huge fan. i have recently tried jillian's yoga meltdown. i absolutely love it.  it is a great workout and something different to throw in my weekly mix.

* i am consistently running 2 or 3 days a week for 30 - 45 minutes.  i wasn't sure i would find motivation, joy, or satisfaction in running again but it is happening slowly over time.

* this process is slow. it is not about a number on a scale. it is about my personal journey to be healthy, to be strong mentally, physically, and spiritually, and it's about overcoming the lies. i may never reach that magical number in my head. i am learning to be okay with it.  i want to be toned, fit, and my body to be functioning at its optimal weight. it i might not be the one in my head.  i will keep working and making good choices but i am not going to be focused on that number. the number on the scale will not control me.

thankfulness:

* i am thankful i have lost ten pounds

* i am thankful that i can get up each morning to exercise.

* i am thankful for the motivation to get up to exercise.

* i am thankful for a renewed desire to get healthy.

* i am thankful for healthy food options.

* i am thankful that i have a wonderful group of supportive ladies who keep me encouraged and focused.  i may have given up if not for their support and cheering me on.

* i am thankful i have energy to be an active mother for my children. 

* i am thankful that the truth will win!

* if you haven't already entered, be sure to enter my giveaway for a barnes and noble gift card