Egg Salad and Lent

I ate an egg salad sandwich for lunch today. 

{i know you were all dying to know what i had for lunch today}

For many years I was guaranteed an egg salad sandwich every Wednesday night during the Lenten season. Up until five years ago when we moved to Idaho, every church we had ever attended offered a Wednesday night service during Lent {with a soup/sandwich dinner before hand hence my guaranteed egg salad sandwich}.  It was a time to gather mid week and reflect on the season. It was a time to focus on the sacrifice Jesus made for us. 

I have really missed having those services each week during Lent.  

Last year was the first year I ever gave something up for Lent.  Although it was a challenge at times I have felt prompted this year for the Lenten season to be something more than just giving something up.

I didn't really have a clear picture of what this Lenten season would look like for me.  The kids were going to do a daily bible reading and activity through Significant Sacrifice.  They loved it last year and were excited to do it again.  Yesterday they put together their paper chain for the next 40+ days and worked through their first activity.

We also started a book called Amon's Adventure.  As I was reading through the introduction of the book, something struck me.

The introduction started with the phrase "rend your heart". 
 I could not get that phrase off of my mind.  

What does it mean to rend?  I didn't know so I looked it up in the dictionary.  It means to tear apart, split, or divide.  

"Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord you God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love."  Joel 2:13

I need to rend my heart.  

I have not given God my whole heart. I have rarely felt worthy of what He has to offer.  Even though I KNOW this is a lie, I haven't felt the truth of it in a long time.   There is a difference between believing something in your head and feeling it in your heart.  I have given lies and negative thoughts a grip on my life. They have become an idol to worship. The lies have become my truth.  

I have been on a journey to eat healthy and get back in shape. It has been a struggle. I think the struggle comes from not being fully heart healthy.  I am still allowing the negative thoughts to rule my life.  They are a joy stealer.  As determined as I am in focusing on finding joy, I want to feel the joy in the depth of my soul.

I am rendering my heart by replacing lies with truth from His word.  

In a sense I am giving up something for Lent. I am giving up the lies.  They will die and the new truth will live in my heart.

** i am giving up fountain soda for lent and i am going on an spending fast, buying only necessities with a few exceptions that have been budgeted for such as landon's birthday/party and activities surrounding my nieces visit in a week and a half {yeah!}