1.10.2011

Being a "Yes" Mom

I say NO to my kids far too often.

Sometimes the no's are for their safety or for a new toy at the store or a cell phone at age 11 or having a cookie before dinner or watching TV when chores and school work are not finished.  Those no's are part of my job as a mom.  I need to guide them in their choices and teach them right from wrong.

Sometimes the no's are purely for selfish reasons.  I don't want a mess or to take time away from what I need to get done for the day.  

Can we paint?  Can we use glitter?  Can we make a craft?  Can we make a fort?  Can we play a game, you know the one with a million little pieces?? {No, the messiness of all those things}  Can we go into the gym when we drop Morgan off to play?  Can we go to the park? Can we have friends over? {No, i might not get all the "to dos" crossed off my list}

Mother of the year!

My friend Susan shared this article on her blog the other day and it hit me.  As I read it, I cried.  I am not a YES mom, I am the NO mom.  

Oh how I want to be a YES mom.  I need to make a conscious effort to say yes.  If I do say NO I need to consider my motivates.  Is it for my children's well being or am I being selfish?

On a daily basis my two little kids ask to go into the gym when we drop Morgan off for gymnastics.  I almost always say no.  Even when I need to run in for a minute to drop something off, I have them stay in the car.  The other day I let them have 15 minutes in the gym.  They used the rope swing, climbed, jumped, and laughed.  Those 15 minutes of playing, that little yes, made our afternoon run much more smoothly.
Today Landon asked to have friends come over to play.  My instant reaction was to say no.  I still needed to clean the house, fold laundry, and make dinner.  I knew my answer would be selfish. I said yes instead of no.  The kids had a wonderful time playing hide and seek, tag, monkey in the middle, family, and wii.  While I wasn't able to get certain chores off my to do list, it felt good to say yes.  The kids were happier and it made our evening more cheerful.  

I am learning that when I say yes to my kids and no to my selfishness,  it often lends itself to a calmer more peaceful home.  

Are you a yes mom?

10 comments:

Kara Franklin said...

Kristen - I am definately a NO mom as well!! As I sit here writing this comment I just told Addie that she couldn't play on the Wii right now (because I was on the computer) Completely selfish! I need to change as well and am grateful for your blog post. I will do my best to say "yes" to a few things today and see how it goes. (even though I have a long list of things to do today).

Alana said...

Great post, Kristen! Oh, I can definitely relate to this. Trying to make a more concerted effort in this department as well.

OCMom said...

I have a friend who is a Yes Mom and I strive to be like her in that way and she strives to be like me in the organized-always-a-clean-home-everything-in-order kind of way! I tell her that her way is better...My daughter asked me last week while we were running errands if we could go the park. I said "no" then thought about it and I drove straight to the park. Our day was so amazing!

Janelle said...

Guilty, as charged! I have been convicted of this lately. My motives are almost always selfish.

sick to my stomach

But,this is the year of change for us, girl!

Here is to more YES in our home!!

Leah in Iowa said...

I'm a "no" mom, too. =( It just comes so easily to me! (Must mean I'm very selfish!) It's usually the first thing off my lips. And if it's not "no", it's "let me think about it", which only means I'm stalling in my negative response.

Truth be told, when my kids have friends over, they completely do their own thing and I hardly see them! It makes for a much more relaxing and enjoyable time for me when they're here! I've learned to be more frequent with my yesses in that area than others.

Denise said...

first, do you recall all your advent activities??!! your not entirely a "no mom." but i understand. i too say no for selfish reason too. sometimes it is sanity to say no, but when i say yes they love every minuet of it, which causes me to say yes now more times than not.

Susan said...

I know. I relate. I love you ;)

Susan said...

I know. I relate. I love you ;)

Angela said...

Oh I want to be a better YES mom....just came across your blog and it caught my eye! Great comments on being a yes/no mom...will def. be thinking about it more!!!

Simply Sara said...

i'm learning and getting better. (but still say no more than i wish i would)

the times that i do say yes make my heart so happy- to see the joy it brings into our home. especially when i say no at first in my head and then reason out that i'm just being selfish.

loved this post kristen.
i think all parents can relate for sure!!!