I am missing home.
I am missing my family whom I haven't seen in a year (except for my brother and his boys who came out in March for spring break - that was a treat).
My nephew will have his first birthday in a month. I haven't held him since the day he was born. I haven't been able to watch his personality grow and develop. When we meet in Montana next month, he won't even know me.
My oldest niece had her first prom this spring. I didn't get to see her dress or watch her get ready or take pictures.
I am missing out on my nieces and nephews participating in choir and band concerts, track meets, football, volleyball, basketball, and softball games.
Over the past year my dad has had some health issues. I am 1500 miles away and not able to do anything but pray and make phone calls. I can't be there to sit in the hospital or be with my mom.
My older kids will remember their aunts, uncles, and cousins when they see them next month but my baby won't know them. By the time she is comfortable and putting names with faces it will be time to say good bye again.
My heart is aching for home. This is the first time since we moved, almost three years ago, where I truly feel home sick. In these moments of homesickness, I start to question our decision to move away. Even though it was and continues to be the best decision for Lance's job (and we do like it here), it is hard to be away.
This past weekend, most of my siblings were together for the 4th of July weekend. They went to our hometown parade and picnic in the park, watched fireworks, and the cousins played. The hardest times to be away from home are not Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter. I can prep myself for those events but its the little times when they get together that make me long for home the most.
In August, my sisters and their families and one of my brothers will travel from the Midwest to Montana to meet us for a week of vacation. I can hardly wait! Our kids will spend the week playing in the creek, exploring the ranch, visiting Yellowstone National Park, and making memories that will last them a lifetime. I can't wait to see them all running, playing, and laughing together. It will do my heart good to be with my family.
Even though I will get to see some of my family soon, I know my heart will still long for home. I won't be seeing my parents. I won't be sleeping in my old bedroom or seeing my kids playing with my old toys. I won't be watching my mom make home made cinnamon rolls with my daughter. I won't be taking little strolls around my parents five acres of farm.
Every time I return home, I fall more in love with the place I grew up. I know I didn't appreciate it during the time I lived there but the older I get and the longer I am away from home I find that is a place I can go to for renewal and relaxation. Something that does wonders for my soul.
For today, I am missing home. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully the longing for home won't be so strong.