Missing Home

I am missing home.  

I am missing my family whom I haven't seen in a year (except for my brother and his boys who came out in March for spring break - that was a treat). 

My nephew will have his first birthday in a month. I haven't held him since the day he was born. I haven't been able to watch his personality grow and develop.   When we meet in Montana next month, he won't even know me.

My oldest niece had her first prom this spring. I didn't get to see her dress or watch her get ready or take pictures.  

I am missing out on my nieces and nephews participating in choir and band concerts, track meets, football, volleyball, basketball, and softball games.

Over the past year my dad has had some health issues.  I am 1500 miles away and not able to do anything but pray and make phone calls. I can't be there to sit in the hospital or be with my mom.  

My older kids will remember their aunts, uncles, and cousins when they see them next month but my baby won't know them.  By the time she is comfortable and putting names with faces it will be time to say good bye again.

My heart is aching for home.  This is the first time since we moved, almost three years ago, where I truly feel home sick. In these moments of homesickness, I start to question our decision to move away.  Even though it was and continues to be the best decision for Lance's job (and we do like it here), it is hard to be away.  

This past weekend, most of my siblings were together for the 4th of July weekend. They went to our hometown parade and picnic in the park, watched fireworks, and the cousins played.  The hardest times to be away from home are not Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter. I can prep myself for those events but its the little times when they get together that make me long for home the most.

In August, my sisters and their families and one of my brothers will travel from the Midwest to Montana to meet us for a week of vacation.  I can hardly wait!  Our kids will spend the week playing in the creek, exploring the ranch, visiting Yellowstone National Park, and making memories that will last them a lifetime. I can't wait to see them all running, playing, and laughing together.   It will do my heart good to be with my family.    

Even though I will get to see some of my family soon, I know my heart will still long for home.  I won't be seeing my parents. I won't be sleeping in my old bedroom or seeing my kids playing with my old toys. I won't be watching my mom make home made cinnamon rolls with my daughter.  I won't be taking little strolls around my parents five acres of farm.  

Every time I return home, I fall more in love with the place I grew up.  I know I didn't appreciate it during the time I lived there but the older I get and the longer I am away from home I find that is a place I can go to for renewal and relaxation. Something that does wonders for my soul.  

For today, I am missing home. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully the longing for home won't be so strong.


Kara said...

Ahhh - that makes me want to cry! I know that I don't have any clue what you are feeling but we feel so extremely blessed that you guys did decide to move out west. I hope you have tons of fun with your family in August and get your fill of home (even if it's a small one). And I want you to know that "our home, here in the west" wouldn't be the same without you guys here. Do I need to bring you a fountain soda to cheer you up? Love you lots and lots!!

Sarah Markley said...

Ohhh, so sorry. I know you will have a great time in Montana reconnecting, though.

Shawna said...

Kristen, I understand your yearn for home...I miss my relatives as well and wish I could be closer to them. I am so thankful that you are here. Your family is such a blessing to me! I hope that you have a wonderful time in Montana. See you tomorrow night!

Kym said...

What a beautiful tribute to your family and home. Your longing was so well expressed. I heard in your words an acceptance of God's direction in your life and anticipation of the moments He provides for you with your loved ones. Kristen, you are a blessing in my life. I love your children. I am glad this little town is where you settled and you began attending church where we attend. I have received encouragement, been challenged and blessed because of knowing you. I pray now for God's tender comfort to touch you in your longings for home. I am looking forward to celebrating with you tomorrow as well. And by the way, you made me cry, ughh.

Alana said...

It is so hard to live away from family. I've done it for too long. One of the blessings I have found, though, is making friends in my community that feel like family. It helps make my ache for home much less.

Krista said...

I know exactly how you feel. When I moved to Pocatello I was unbelievably homesick. It was awful. I would remind myself that my address was really heaven; I was just on a detour through southeastern Idaho. It's easier now, but I still have times when my heart aches for my childhood home. I hate that Olivia misses out on seeing my parents often, along with cousins, aunts, uncles, and great-grandparents. Unfornately, sometimes visiting makes me miss them all the more. I hope you have a great time next month, though.

Dave and Jenni said...

I can completely identify with this, Kristen. We are 350 miles from Dave's family and 750 miles from mine. When I was in NC back in Feb, I saw my niece and nephew interact with my parents and found myself saddened by the close relationship they share, knowing that when my kids are around their grandparents they are excited, but also shy and reserved. My saving grace is that I know that God led us here and I know that He still wants us here. Sometimes it's not as comforting as it should be, but at the end of the day, I'd still rather be where He wants us.

Lynn said...

There really is no place like home. Adeline and I just arrived last night, and I am LOVING the feel of my bed, the tastes of my mom's wonderful cooking, the sights that are so familiar and comfortable and the sound of Adeline laughing as she explores this new and wonderful place.

So sorry you are missing home...I've certainly been there. It is a tribute to your family and your upbringing that you would long to return.

Short Stop said...

I can relate to every word you wrote, Kristen. We're an 11 hour drive from "home", and there are days when I long for the closeness of family, the familiarity of just knowing and being known by those I love. But, I am finding that our family, the 5 of us, are bonding like we never would have by finding our way here together. We're learning to appreciate each other as we are the only family we have around. And, the trips home...they are SO special to us. I'm SO excited for you and your upcoming family vacation!! :)